*Lucy* is a BNB Guest Blogger who was ready to share her story about breaking the narc relationship cycle (go, girl!)
You would think after two full-fledged narcissistic relationships, I’d be a pro at identifying these narcs right off the bat. Nope! God, their charm is so damn contagious, it gets you every time! Love-bombing is for real, ladies!
All that abundance of affection and admiration and interest in who you truly are as a person. The adorable (and cringeworthy) texts that let you know how much he is thinking of you. His vision of the two of you together forever, saying everything your delicate heart yearns to hear and dares to imagine.
But it didn’t get me this time. It almost did, but ultimately, I figured out the red flags before I was captured in another cage.
Maybe it was because on our very first call, he told me he knew he was meant to be my husband. There were so many “signs” that led to us meeting, that it was destiny finally bringing us together after so many bad relationships. After all, he had been a victim of his own narcissistic girlfriends and wives, so he could relate to my own history.
Hmm. I should have cut the cord there, to be honest. But I was dipping my toes back into the dating pool after quite a few years and I didn’t want to have that armor on me that mistrusted every man. I was willing to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, and not everyone is always this perfect representation the first time you talk. Nerves and all, ya know? I believe in grace before judgment.
Well, after that call, he blew up my phone with endless music videos and “proof” of the signs he was receiving that we were meant to be together. Whoa, killer. I need my space, dude! He didn’t react well to that. I tried to set a boundary, but he wasn’t taking the hint.
And still, I wanted to give him a chance to hear and respect my boundaries. New relationships deserve a learning curve. And I was so drawn to him in so many ways. He “got” me on so many levels. Ugh!
But then the 4-hour phone calls that I tried to tactfully end as I was falling asleep were ridden with repetitive stories. Now those were some gems that made me want to run for the hills, if I wasn’t so friggin’ polite. How he was once up against a gang who wanted to hurt him, but with his martial art background, he was able to beat all of them and be the last one standing. Was that supposed to impress me or terrify me, because it definitely concerned me.
Then there was the story about his hell of an ex-wife, who he got to admit on paper that she was the narcissist (he wasn’t one, he informed me several times). Did I want to see the paper? Um, no. And then he proceeded to tell me how he just kicked his ungrateful son out of his house—and his life—because he was another narcissist just like his mother.
What man does that to his own child? Why, oh why, was I still engaging with this moron? (And did I mention, this all was only over a 4-day period?) Still…I felt an attraction to this man I hadn’t met. I don’t know what was wrong with me.
It reminds me of this quote I once read: “When all you’ve known is fight or flight, red flags and butterflies all feel the same.” – unknown.
Were the butterflies that swirled with potential mate happiness worth the ignorance of very clear red flags?
No, they weren’t. Thankfully, he continued to blow up my phone until I couldn’t take it anymore and I “yelled” at him over text to knock it off. Did you know that he will never tolerate a woman speaking to him like that, and who did I think I was?
I think I was someone smart enough not to fall into another trap, thank you very much. Block. Delete. Buh-bye. And now I know that it’s okay to trust my gut and not believe I owe the entire male species the benefit of the doubt when they wave one of those red flags, I feel much more confident that the next relationship I do get into, will be a healthy, supportive, non-narcissistic one.
And that my soul sisters, is what I wish for all of you who took the time to read my story. Believe those red flags!! They are not butterflies, dear one. Trust yourself to know the difference xo
*Lucy* is a guest blogger who submitted her story under an assumed identity for confidentiality. If you are interested in being a non-identified guest blogger for Brazen Not Battered, please email us at brazennotbattered@gmail.com. We would love to hear and share your story to inspire others.
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